Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Still swimming.... Dose #2

Today I had my second chemo doses.... In addition to the pre- meds (Benadryl, steroid, Pepcid, zofran), the her2 drugs herceptin and perjeta, the yucky taxotere, Dr. Fellin added Zometa for the bone mets.... Phew I'm exhausted just writing them out! It was easier today as I did not have that bone pain I had last time..I slept through most of it as the Benadryl really knocks me out..... Dr. Fellin (onc) was happy to see me feeling and looking so good. I asked how long I was to be on taxatere (it's the one with all the annoying side effects and if the her2 drugs are the ones working then maybe I don't need it so long and ok cause I'm losing my hair and dread it again... I know it's so petty, but I feel so ugly bald, no one ever really saw me without a wig or scarf except my family but I see it, Jason and the kids see it and it's hard... It's hard being 40 let alone a bald 40....ok enough of the pity party- it's really the least of my problems and I'm grateful there are drugs to shrink these rumors.... And as a good friend said- I rocked the pixie cut;) OKAY, so dr Fellin said the " protocol" is 6 rounds of taxatere, but if I'm doing well, ie tumor shrinkage, then maybe we can just do 3-4... So we' ll re-scan and see.... Probably after # 3 or # 4.

So, I felt terrific these past couple days..... So hopefully once this taxatere clears I'll be back to that terrific feeling again.... Usually by Monday... Until then, I just take it easy and get lots of rest.

I officially told the kids tonight, they of course already knew something was up- I mean lots of delicious meals and treats, flowers, and gift boxes being delivered by good friends and Mom Mom doing our laundry...Pop Pop driving me to "work".... They are smart and knew... But it felt good to talk it out with them. They do not know the extent of it, just that I have cancer again in my body so need the medicine that gets rid of it, and yes I'll lose my hair again, will have days that I'm tired but good days to- and that was it, back to eating dinner... I think they saw me get better last time, I'm doing my best to "carry on" and not disrupt our busy life so they are fine. I'm planning on finally seeing a therapist as I need someone (impartial) to talk through these crazy, fluctuating feelings I have so will talk about the kids as well....

Thanks as always for your prayers.... and for helping me to Keep Swimming!

Love xoxoxo, Kellie

He said, "There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called yesterday and the other is called tomorrow, so today is the right day to love, believe, do, and mostly live"- Dalai Lama