Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Bra blues…. but oh so thankful!

Oh well, my short-lived bra buying spree has ended in lymphedema. Figures! I wore my new bra just once and ended up giving myself bad lymphedema in my upper arm/ trunk. If you don’t know what lymphedema is follow this link:

After two weeks of compression garments, drainage exercises and shoulder rehab, it is mostly resolved and I feel much better. So, my new bras got a new home and I'm back to my sports bras (which are way more comfortable anyway). Oh well, it is what it is.

I saw Dr Fellin today and so far all is good. He had a medical student with him and when reviewing my case with her said I had a "miraculous response" .... Oh I love that! I like to think it's all of your prayers. So we will continue with just Herceptin and Perjeta (and Zometa) for now. I'll get blood work next time. I'm so thankful for this break and for feeling so well... Unfortunately, I know other cancer warriors who have not had it so well and it reaffirms to me how precious each glorious day is. My physical therapist nonchalantly said for me to envision myself growing old, like visualize Ella graduating from college, Princeton he said thinking that would be therapeutic to me but I steadfastly refused...I am living in the moment I told him, being mindful of the now and that's all I'm capable of, it's the only way I can live and cope so effectively ... Looking too far in the future causes panic and I'm not giving into those feelings. I can handle living well today and that's all I need to do... Poor guy, he needs to stick to rehabbing my shoulder and leave the rest to my psychologist!

But he had me thinking again about the kids and I reread this poem I saved for them... I wanted to share cause it is so perfect...

I wanted you more than you ever will know
So I sent love to follow wherever you go.

It's high as you wish it. It's quick as an elf.
You'll never outgrow stretches itself!

So climb any mountain...climb up to the sky!
My love will find you. My love can fly!

Make a big splash! Go out on a limb!
My love will find you. My love can swim!

It never gets lost, never fades, never ends...
if you're working...or playing...or sitting with friends.

You can dance 'til you're dizzy... paint 'til you're blue...
There's no place, not one, that my love can't find you.

And if someday you're lonely, or someday you're sad, or you strike out at baseball, or think you've been bad...

Just lift up your face, feel the wind in your hair.
That's me, my sweet baby, my love is right there.

In the green of the the smell of the sea...
in the clouds floating the top of a tree...
in the sound crickets make at the end of the day...

"You are loved. You are loved. You are loved," they all say.

My love is so high, and so wide and so deep, it's always right there, even when you're asleep.

So hold your head high and don't be afraid to march to the front of your own parade.

If you're still my small babe or you're all the way grown, my promise to you is you're never alone.

You are my angel, my darling,
my star...and my love will find you,
wherever you are.

by Nancy Tillman

Remember to be mindful, live in the present and live with purpose! Keep those prayers coming…. love to all of you.