It's been 1 week since chemo and as predicted I'm feeling better each day...Well physically that is. I did have my 2 days of what I call "yuckiness", earlier this time as it started Friday morning and lasted till Sunday morning, but each day since then I'm feeling better. All that's left is tiredness. Oh and lots of hair loss.... I had hoped it wouldn't but it is. I probably should shave it like last time but I'm still holding out that I can last a little longer. So I've pulled out my scarves and will see....
So to the elephant in the blog.... Up till now I've been so focused on updating my physical symptoms and treatment regime I've completely ignored the elephant in the blog- how I feel about all this. I know I've said I'm just going to keep swimming, dancing in the rain, yadda yadda, but it's been increasingly hard to soldier on. I think it's the hair lost, could be the weather, but I know it's that this just sucks, cancer sucks. I have not been able to use my usual coping method, i.e. running, so have decided I need another, so either therapist or meds or probably both! I saw my PCP yesterday and he hooked me up with both! So we'll see, it will be interesting to go to therapy as I've always felt like a sort of therapist myself... I'll be able to compare notes of the advice I would have given me- which you know would be "just keep swimming", "take one day at a time", "it's all in how you react", "instead of waiting for the storm to pass, learn to dance in the rain"...... Oh and I'm sure the meds can't hurt!
My heart still swells with joy with the outpouring of your support,
An old Cherokee told his grandson, "My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, & and truth."
The boy thought about it, and asked, "Grandfather, which wolf wins?"
The old man quietly replied, "The one you feed."