Friday, March 13, 2015

The power of procrastination…

So a new thing for me is procrastination... was never really a procrastinator, always felt if something had to get checked off my ever popular "to do" list then “git er done”. My schoolwork was always early, my work work was done as soon as it was assigned, I finished my doctorate in 3 ½ years (which believe me is a feat in and of itself), the kid’s bags are packed the night before school but I find myself in a new world now that I have terminal cancer. Nothing seems so important to rush to "git er done". I have a new freedom now, like a weight has been lifted. I do not see the urgency so much, and I look at its importance and am more discerning what I get upset about (or get involved in). My therapist and I talk about death all the time, she is the only one I can talk freely with about this. Here is news to maybe some of you- we are all going to die. It's a fact, an inevitability. What I face you all will face sometime in your life (hopefully much much later though!). Once you come to terms with it, accept it for what it is, it opens up a kind of freedom that I never had before. I used to worry about EVERYTHING, now,  not so much. Nothing is as big as death. And in the big scheme of things most is insignificant. It’s how we treat each other, the gratitude that we hold in our heart that matters most.

So back to procrastinating, per my Oncologist suggestion, we are pushing back my MRI brain scan to May (I was to have it Monday). The rational is that since I have no obvious side effects (namely headaches) then lets “just keep swimming”. I like this no scan unless we have to approach. Scans are scary, they show the lesions, where they are, how many, how big and it freaks me out regardless how I’m feeling and doing. So since I’m feeling good, I’ll just enjoy a few more weeks in ignorant bliss.

Regarding my treatment plan, I’m still tolerating the PO chemo meds, receive IV herceptin and zometa every 3 weeks and just had an echocardiogram that was fine (it's to make sure the Herceptin has not done damage to my heart as it can cause heart failure, we check every 4 months).

We returned from Southwest Florida last week and I can’t get seem to get warm (despite the climbing temperatures)! We had an incredible time, especially the gorgeous beaches, awesome 80 degree weather and spending time with family.

Here is a pic (can't tell but that is Abbie and Tommy playing in the water):
“It all begins and ends in your mine, what you give power to has power over you.”