Finally ins approved the increased dose of IT herceptin and I got it yesterday! We' ll see if it helps! Then last night I had a repeat brain MRI - which either it's still just swelling from the radiation or bigger tumors consequently I just had one 3 weeks ago and to the docs wasn't so bad - we'll see... I read the results myself today and I can't tell- looks like some is worse with swelling but some better- the doctor will call with what's next!

Thanks to my good friend Leann.damico for lending me a 4 point cane! And Aunt Kathy for lending Me a scooter for Disney!  I wouldn't be able to get around if not for Jason and my parents so I'm so grateful! I also so appreciate my doctors who really care about me and then of course all of you! My work is incredible and so supportive - I'm so very lucky and appreciative.

My favorite song/ "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" lyrics JEWEL LYRICS

Play "Somewhere Over The Rainbow"

"Somewhere Over The Rainbow"

Somewhere over the rainbow

Way up high

There's a land that I heard of

Once in a lullaby

Somewhere over that rainbow

All skies are blue, oh

And where dreams

That you dare to dream

Really do come true

Someday I'll wish upon a star

And wake up where the clouds are far behind me

And troubles melt like lemon drops

Way above the chimney tops

That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow

Bluebirds fly, oh

If birds can fly over the rainbow

Why, then why can't I?

Someday I'll wake and rub my eyes

And in that land beyond the skies

You'll find me

I'll be a laughing daffodil

And leave the silly cares that

Fill my mind behind me

Somewhere over that rainbow

Bluebirds fly

If birds can fly over the rainbow

Why, then why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly

Beyond the rainbow

Why, oh why can't I?

Getting back on balance...

So this last week I've been so dizzy and off balance, literally, it's unnerving to me. I need help to walk to the car, I fell 4 times, not bad falls but enough to startle me and Jason, thank Goodness the kids did not see, but I think Tom's onto me. I'm best just sitting up or laying in bed. And I'm so hungry again. Dr. Glass wants to increase my IT hereptin but the ins. company is taking forever to approve it, apparently I'm at the top dose. So we're just waiting. He did give me a referral for Physical Therapy for a cane... does anyone know of a good place around me? Problem is I have an HMO Keystone Health Plan East plan and I think I'm capitative to Magee.

So I feel stuck inside but at least I can work on the computer for a little while..... I'm going to do what I've been doing, keep swimming and see where this goes... hopefully I start to feel better, I don't like being so dependent!

Some of the quotes that give me strength:

"Live life as if everything is rigged in your favor". rumi

"Life is too ironic to fully understand. It takes sadness to know what happiness is. Noise to appreciate silence and absence to value presence".

Finding your path…

I had the repeat Brain MRI 9/3 (last week), I have mixed feelings, first I read the report on my own and was disappointed as the results read "mixed response to numerous intracranial metastases but overall increased FLAIR/mass effect in the posterior fossa compared to previous study". And I got depressed until I met with my doctors and after looking more closely at the results it appears that my lesions are "minimally worse but some minimally improved but the majority are the same." Great- so what does that mean? It means I keep swimming! The good news is that the lesions are about the same, and still no really bad side effects, I still feel relatively fine, beside being tired and the occasional headache. My neuro-oncologist will double the dose of my IT herceptin from 20 to 40 so that may help. I'll still get my other IV meds and keep taking one day at a time. I have to admit it is tiring but I've got to just keep in the moment. My yoga instructor posts to FaceBook each week and this is what he posted last week which made perfect sense to me.

“Your life is a sacred journey. It is about change, growth, discovery, movement, transformation, continuously expanding your vision of what is possible, stretching your soul, learning to see clearly and deeply, listening to your intuition, taking courageous challenges at every step along the way. You are on the path… exactly where you are meant to be right now… And from here, you can only go forward, shaping your life story into a magnificent tale of triumph, of healing, of courage, of beauty, of wisdom, of power, of dignity, and of love.” ~ by Caroline Adams


So I'm carrying on, still teaching, still discovering, still swimming, and grateful for all I have, 

Love to you and may you find or stay on your path. 

Dr. Seuss's life lessons

So I've been swimming and taking one day at a time. I'm getting treatment every Wednesday and feel pretty good. Depending on the week I’ll get Herceptin, Perjeta, Zometa, Intratheical Herceptin, and Abraxane. I’m tolerating them, just tired and occasional headache. It seems when I’m more active and doing things, I don’t feel as tired vs. just laying in bed watching Family Feud or Tree House Nation! I don’t know when I’ll be “scanned” again, kinda don’t want to know. I just take one day at a time and am thankful for this day that I’m able to function and get out of bed. I’ll probably get a brain MRI in a couple of months.

I learned last week that it really is all relative, and how we handle things. I was waiting for the elevator at the infusion center, and started to talk to this elderly African American lady. We were talking about how the medications really dry our skin (I can draw on my legs they are so dry!) I’m thinking she was going where I was going. But I was wrong she was going to Rothman Institute that is in the same building. For those of you who don't know Rothman, it is orthopedics. She shared that it was her “darn knee” then started to cry. Mumbling she can’t believe how angry she was about her knee when she couldn’t imagine what I must be going through (I looked so young). I told her not to cry we all have a story. Then the elevator doors opened and I stepped out. I’ve thought about this woman a lot since then, what she is going through, does she have support, can she pay for her treatment. I feel so grateful that I have all of those things.

I’m feeling well enough that we are going to visit the Poconos for a couple of days. I really have enjoyed our trips to the Poconos so went on expedia to find a last minute bargain. We’ll go to the resort pool, bike or hike, tree climbing fun, hit our favorite place to eat- Barley Creek Brewery and take it easy! Looking forward to it.

My quotes for this week are from Dr. Seuss who is a smart man. Ella has been reading me his stories. Not only are they clever in rhyming they have hidden meaning! I’ve always appreciated his books and even had one of his quotes hanging in my dorm room in college (next to Where’s Wally).

Thank you as always for your love, well wishes and friendship. "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together." Xoxoxo, Kellie 

Free from fear.....

So I have crappy news as an update this time. Although the intrathecal (IT) herceptin is going well I've been experiencing an increase in shortness of breath with increased movement for the past month or so. I had a chest X-Ray that showed the cancer is back in my lung.... So today I started "regular" chemo (Abraxane IV) which is given every week, but since I'm there for the IT injection it's fine. I just keep swimming and am thankful that I still get around well, have a good quality of life and most importantly can still take good care of my kids (thanks to Jason for stepping up and doing extra and of course my parents too!).

I'll have an echocardiogram scheduled Monday as a routine check of my heart function while on these medications, will continue with my treatment regimen, and keep Faith bigger than my fear!

"She was unstoppable. Not because she did not have failures or doubts. But because she continued on despite them" Beau Taplin

"Becoming fearless isn't the point. That's impossible.
It's learning how to control your fear. And how to be free from it."

Still swimming….

 I know I’ve owed you an update for a while, two things happened that made me procrastinate… I was feeling very tired from the radiation treatments (I know its been a while since I stopped but radiation effects happen after) and I lost another good friend and colleague to this terrible disease. She was a sounding board, a cheerleader, and I admired how she tackled her disease and life! We would talk about our journeys and how we just had to keep swimming. I’m sad now but know she would want me to keep moving forward, treasure her memories but keep living! She was an incredible lady and I will always hold her in my heart. 

So, here I am, a little sad, but still swimming… maybe a little slower but still moving forward. I had my first intrathecal infusion of herceptin to the brain on Friday and it was uneventful. The doctor just injected a small amount and will titrate it to the full does next week. I will go every Wednesday moving forward. I thought I felt better Saturday but it could be psychosomatic. I know there will be a “re-scan” but don’t know when, probably 6 weeks or so. And I continue to get the systemic Herceptin, perjeta, zometa to my regular port every 3 weeks. I stopped the steroid so my appetite is back to normal and I lost 3 lbs! I know so silly to worry about weight of all things!

So in memory of my good friend: 

Native American Prayer for the Grieving

I give you this one thought to keep-

I am with you still- I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sunlight on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you waken in the morning hush,

I am the swift, uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not think of me as gone-

I am with you still- in each new dawn.

Shake it off…

I had my brain MRI scan last Monday (5/11/15) and although it looked “better” than last time it still showed those darn tumors. Some disappeared, others shrunk, but the point is there are still too many. Not real big yet so blood is still getting around them. With time, radiation will still have a positive effect but the doctors (and I) want to get started with the target chemo to the brain (i.e. herceptin.). So I’m scheduled to have a brain reservoir called of all things an- ommaya (click on link to learn more): http://healthlibrary.stanford.edu/patient/ommaya.pdf

on Thursday . 

They will place it on top of my head. It usually is an outpatient procedure and I’m told “no big deal”.  This is what I wanted so I’m fine with it, but anytime I go for surgery I get funny (and esp. brain surgery). But the brain does not have pain receptors so will be no big deal.

Then once I heal they will start intrathecal herceptin (or methotrexate which is a common chemo IV infusion used). I prefer the herceptin but we’ll see. Doctors have used methotrexate many times but not so much herceptin. Neither really cause any side effects although he said some people experience nausea.  

I know it’s serious to get started as the neurosurgeon I met with wanted the ommaya placed this week… but I’m all for it cause maybe intrathecal herceptin will be as effective as the systemic (through my body) with none to little side effects and I’ll have a great summer! The doctor and nurses are amazed at how “good” I look and my upbeat outlook. The nurse mentioned the only side effect I complained about, as written by Dr. Fellin in my chart, was weight gain (haha yes, the only thing I am complaining about is my 15 lbs weight gain while on the steroids!) Well, as you know you gotta just keep swimming. Cause you never know what tomorrow may bring. Taking one day at a time has served my well.

My good friend, who sends me encouraging cards each week, sent me this parable. It is such a coincidence because Aesop’s Fables is my favorite- I love a good story with a message. Hope you do too!

Thank you for your continued love and support… I’m so grateful for the awesome friends and family that shower me and my family with concern and prayers.

The Donkey

One day a farmer’ donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake if off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember these five simple rules to be happy:

1)    Free your heart from hatred- forgive.

2)    Free your mind from worries- Most never happen.

3)    Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4)    Give more.

5)    Expect less.